Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Open Journal - Current Status Post Bilateral Mastectomy

Me - last month
Guess it’s been a while since my last update to my Open Journal, so here it is.  Time flies when you’re rock'n life!

I had my 3rd post-op appointment in November and got the green light.  Next visit will be later next year.  Healing is progressing on track and doc said to give it another 9 months or so to completely heal.  Wow, I cannot believe how long this takes!  Don’t get me wrong, I’m doing AWESOME, but just amazed at all the stuff you have to go through.  Oh and in case anyone is reading this and has no idea what I’m talking about… I had a Total Bilateral Mastectomy without reconstruction in August.  You can read more info in the tab above.

- The long ugly mastectomy scars have gone from angry red puffers to semi-angry pink, and getting smaller a smidgen at a time.
- The 61 staple scars are slowly disappearing.
- Still have numbness in a few areas, which may or may not completely resolve.
- Have mild residual discomfort that comes and goes.  Can’t really call it pain now.
- The creepy crawly stuff has stopped – THAT was so freaky!  That was from all the nerve endings trying to figure what the heck happened.
- The ‘lumpiness’ (as I call it) around my chest is starting to flatten out more.
- Right side (nodes were removed on that side) is my pain in the @#! side.  I have a big lump area there (not lymphedema) that looks and feels swollen, especially by the end of the work day or when using it too much.  I can work just fine and do many things, but still have to be careful lifting, etc. too heavy of anything on the right side.

I can’t wear snug or close under-the-arm fitting type tops.  Hard to explain, but it causes pain there.  I’m most comfortable in tank tops and sun dresses anyway, so that works.  Sometimes I just drop my arm out of the right side as it’s more comfortable - then I resemble Tarzan.  Make that Jane instead.

I am happy that I’m finally off estrogen, which I was instructed to do so asap from the beginning of this.  The side effects from that was pretty wicked, but I was able to handle it better than expected and am totally fine now.  However, while I still get them (not as bad now) the sudden hot flashes drove me nuts.  Made me practically strip and stick my head in the freezer – lol!

Some people have asked me what type of tops I wear and if I’m going to get one of those mastectomy bras or prosthesis.  Nope.  I’m happy as I am in my own skin and no, I do not wear a bra (nothing to put in it).  And no, I do not wear big baggy clothes.  I wear tanks tops/dress, summer spaghetti tops/dresses… pretty much clothing that is light, comfortable, and not confining.

I don’t mean for this to sound rude, but I don’t care what people/society say about women must have breasts.  I’m not dressing to please people.  With that said, not a day goes by that I don’t get stares wherever I go.  Most people just notice me and then go about their business.  Some look at me and smile and others with maybe concern.  I always smile at them to show I’m happy.  However, I’ve had two surprisingly unpleasant experiences, which floored me.  I won’t go into details now, but the first time was by two teenage girls in Blockbuster and the second time was just this past Friday at Sprouts – by a couple in their late 20’s or early 30’s standing next to me at the checkout.  THAT one almost made me cry, but instead it ticked me off more than anything.  Some people can be so mean… and ignorant.
Floral Handkerchief Bandeau Bikini Top (at Candie's)
I just have to share this bathing suit!  Yes I know, it’s December… but I came across this and fell in love with that top and I want it!  That’s all, just wanted to share.
Wow… guess I had a lot to say this go around.  I’ll stop here and will update again sooner than later.  I’ll also have more pics down the road.
Happiness everyone!


Carol- Beads and Birds said...

Happiness right back to YOU! One thing I have always known about you is that you are your own person, as I think I am also. It takes us a while to get where we are. Happy with ourselves with a patience and tolerance of others AND the self confidence to let others be who they are without judgement but with love.

Hopefully, those that made the comments will discover this in themselves and look back with sorrow for the words they said. Oh, not sorrow for you, but sorrow for themselves.

We are blessed, Rocky and we can only hope that someday every person on this earth will be kind.
xx, Carol

Carol- Beads and Birds said...

OK, on a lighter note.
When I was younger, my brother in law told me I needed a training bra. I was always pretty small busted, until I gained a little weight to be what the docs say is in my "range". Then I turned 60. No weight gain. Stomach pooches out a little. What happened to my boobs? THEY grew!! Lots. A cup to stuffing in a C. And they sag. I look in the mirror and wonder where they are...drop my eyes down a bit...OH there they ARE! Without a holder, they are laying on the part of my chest that used to have a 6 pack..kinda..well maybe where it could be if I still excersized.

No point here. Just a comment. We all feel differently about our breasts. I don't want to lose mine, but I truly think its more because of fear of the medical trauma than the cosmetics of it. But then, 'm 61. My mom died at 62. So I'll be grateful to make it to 63. Funny how life experience effects how we think.
Much love, Carol

Rocki Adams said...

Thanks so much Carol, I always love reaading your comments and appreciate each one!

Yep, the couple got to me the most - plus I was practically ALL in pink and they could clearly see my awareness ribbon tattoo and they STILL acted like idiots. I was beyond shocked actually. Anyway... you're right.

LOL, I loved your lighter note too - made me chuckle, thanks!

Oh... and I LOVE your hair in the new pic!!

VCAYC said...

Ok, so I am loving reading the thoguhts of a kindred spirit. I am surprised that most websites that seem to be in support of being " breastless" immediately launch into articles about stuffing a bra or covering it up or distracting so no one will see...I am less than A month out from my surgery and may in time change my mind, but for now I am proud to own who I am! Thanks for the candid photos and thoughts.

Rocki Adams said...

Hi V,

I sincerely appreciate your comment :) I agree about more websites supporting us "flatties" and hopefully the word continues to spread in hopes of helping others like us. Always be proud of who you are :)