Friday, February 22, 2013

Brave, Bold & Buzzed!

Buzzed Hairstyle
It's February.  My 6 month post-bilateral mastectomy, without reconstruction mark - and all is well.  I was going to have another new tattoo done this month, but due to being nasty sick I have to wait until next month.  Oh and this coming weekend Mark is going to take more photos of my healing process for my mastectomy section of the blog, which I'll post later next week.

"Why the buzz cut Rocki?" As you can tell from my blog my hair has been short for quite some time.   Years ago it it used to be super long, down to my waist. In fact, when I was a kid it was so long that I literally sat on it.  My mom would put it in a bun each morning before school and I would take it down by recess time.  A tom-boy just doesn't look right with a big ol'bun!

My hair is thick and wavy in spots - and unruly because of cowlicks.  When it was long I basically just wore it as is - mainly because I never had the knack of fixing it up.  I'm simple in that respect and love low maintenance hairstyles.  I actually used to dream of having very short hair, but wouldn't dare do it!  Obviously, over the years that started happening as I was cutting it shorter and shorter.

Love my buzz cut!
My long hair was my safety net.  It hid me, so I thought.  I felt vulnerable if I pulled it back into a ponytail. It exposed far too much of me.  I didn't want people to see me so vividly.  I was a very timid person with low self-esteem and lacking confidence.

Then life started to throw stuff at me.  Actually, it started when I was young.  Over the years with all the crap that has been thrown at me left and right, I just couldn't understand why.  I'm a good person and felt I didn't deserve what all I was receiving.  Funny, but since following the Buddhist path for several years now, I understand it as karma.  Then I start thinking...what kind of crappy person was I in my previous lives?! LOL! 

Rocki's Brave Bold Buzz!

With each punch and kick that knocked me down, it toughened me up, I fought back and got right back up for the next round (which is why one of my docs years ago tagged me with "Rocky Balboa") - and I continue to do so!  I honestly believe all that crappy bad stuff was meant to happen to make me strong enough to handle what I just went through.  Even with Mark's unconditional love and support, if the breast cancer crap happened years ago, I would be handling this a lot differently - as in hiding in a corner somewhere. 

I've wanted to do a buzz cut for years and would joke with Mark about it, but deep down inside I really wanted to do it.  Just didn't have the guts and was afraid what others might think.  So now I did it and absolutely LOVE how it makes me feel!  Without sounding cocky, others can think what they want as that is their right, but it doesn't matter to me.

Here I am today.  Braver than I've EVER been in my life.  More bold than I ever could have imagined.  Still strong enought to deal with life's punches.  Confident with the person I am, as is.  With or without hair - or boobs.

So you still want to know why I buzzed my hair?

Peace & Love,

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